Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
