Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
