so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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