when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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