I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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