I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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