Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
