just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
