That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He has the fingertips of a God
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