I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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