Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Come share oat with me in your robe
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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