Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
