I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
