Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
