Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Damn victory sex feels great
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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