I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
