he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
