I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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