38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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