i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
