Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
