I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
