is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
