the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
