I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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