yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
