What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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