two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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