Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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