There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
