I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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