I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
