I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
