Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
