Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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