apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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