my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
