I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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