i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
