If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
