Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
