sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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