We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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