Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
