well I can't set my house on fire every night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
