You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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