did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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