Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
