hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When are your genitals available?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
