Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
