Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
