I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
